PMS

This little three letter acronym stands for P.retty M.ental S.ometimes. I know you ladies out there know what I mean (and you poor guys that put up with us have no clue). It just so happens that on this lovely rainy week I could qualify as pretty mental. Dave is out of town, I'm in charge of cub scouts tomorrow, I have a chest cold and my children have.....well completely run amok. Its not that they are bad (they are never bad). They are more...loud, whiny, rude, disrespectful and any other characteristics (real or imagined) that do not go well with Mom's chest cold and said P.M.S. I will admit that I have lost my cool today (more than once and in public). I will also admit that I made a very bad decision to go shoe shopping with all four of my children. I know recipe for utter disaster. So, now the evening has gotten quiet and I am breathing a sigh of relief. I am sitting here with the bright side. If you know me, you know I have a bright side (in spite of pms).

The bright side is that I held my baby today. Tightly, warmly and without any desire to be anywhere else. I held her as she looked up at me with sleepy eyes and relaxed her tiny little body, totally trusting me as I held her.

I listened to Wesley. Really listened, many times as he said funny things. And as he said his prayer before bed and blessed Dad to come home "carefully." I took Wesley and Abby to the park today in the bike trailer and played pirate ship and exercised my body.

I took them all to McDonald's to have ice cream after school and talk about their days. I knelt in prayer with them as Jared offered a sweet (albeit short) prayer in behalf of our family. I told Ayla that she was beautiful and smart. I got everyone bathed. I made homemade pizza instead of eating out and was amazed when Ayla and Wesley chose salad instead. I worked on a short story that has developed a wonderful little mind of its own. I followed the counsel of an apostle of God and read D&C 123. I spoke a little French. I did a load of dishes. I watched a tv show snuggled up on the couch with my children. I applied for a staff position on the North Texas Review (my school's student published journal). I even took a shower.

Now at the end of my day my bright side looks a little better than the dark one. I have to remind myself of that every day. Sometimes the light is much brighter. Sometimes its quite dim but I have a bright side. I am grateful for that.

Last week I attended a wonderful Friday Forum at Institute. Our speaker, Pres Peterson of the Denton Stake, told us stories from his experiences as a cowboy. He told a story of going out to "mother" the calves. This is when at the end of the day the cowboys must put the mothers and babies together to find each other. The night came quickly and brought a blizzard with it. Pres Peterson was worried, frightened. He was in unfamiliar territory (his family had moved while he was serving a mission). He didn't know how to get home. He went and stood with his brother and a few other men and his brother was calm and collected. The brother then said they would go home. Pres Peterson said he hopped right on his horse and rode as close to his brother as he could. I thought of the hymn Lead Kindly Light. It says "Lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; Lead thou me on!" In the second verse it goes on to say, "I loved to choose and see my path; but now, Lead thou me on!" So many times I have found myself covered over with darkness. So many times I have wanted to choose my own path. What an immense blessing it is to have someone who is calm and collected, ahead of me in the blizzard, who knows the way. The Savior is that special brother to whom I draw myself up close behind when I do not know which way to go or when I am frazzled or feeling alone. I am always comforted when I follow the principles that I have learned. I hope my children don't remember too much of the darkness (especially not when it has come from me) but I also hope they will know that they are not alone when they find themselves there because they surely will.