Ahh...

These pictures feel more like they were a dream than reality. Doesn't Dave look so relaxed in this hammock? The body of water behind him is the Pacific Ocean and I think about this place nearly everyday. The people of Yelapa told us that it gets under your skin, that once you've been there you never really leave. I think they were right. The thought of sleeping all day, walking in tropical forests and eating simple easy meals is heaven. We met a retired couple while we were there who had moved there full time and spent their days walking the trails and the hills and writing or painting in their little casa. It was over a year ago but it is still so fresh in my mind.
This picture was taken at the waterfall where we would hike up to eat breakfast. There was a little man and his wife who would make our meals and we would sit at tables and listen to the trickling water. The falls were really just a tiny nothing because the rains had not come in the summer like normal. We would like to go back in the fall and see what it is like during peak season.

I think about Yelapa a lot because it was such a quiet place of solace for me. It was a grand escape, like I have never had in my life. I have thought in recent weeks about my desperate need to be alone, all the way alone. I spent a lot of my childhood feeling very overwhelmed with all the people in the house. I wanted to be left alone. I still do. There are times when I crave the stillness of my own heartbeat. Especially when there is a lot of stress in my life. I would meditate, I would search the scriptures, I would pray, but there are very few times when that is even possible. I try to get up before the kids because I love the early morning hours but Wesley beats me up 9 times out of 10. On those rare occassions I do get up before him I have such a good day for the rest of the day. I am so comfortable in my skin, so happy and contented because I have had that time to commune with myself and with God. I've never been a person who craved companionship so much and I'm afraid I am not a very good friend because of that. I crave solitude. Too much of it is unhealthy and feeling alone in the middle of a crowd is really hard. It is a delicate balance trying to meet my own needs and the needs of those I am called to serve. The unfortunate thing is that when I finally have my needs met my children will not need me as much and I will be sad that they are so independant and leaving me. I have dreams (that are still waiting their turn :) of being able to write full time, of having the quiet of my own thoughts and the time and energy to mold them and express them eloquently. So, I'm spending a lot of mental time hanging out in my dream world and trying to have joy in the real one.